


Oblivious

by earthphoenix (roughknuckles)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drinking, Flirting, Flying, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-29
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/earthphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus doesn't get that anyone could ever be interested in him. He is absolutely oblivious to any and all attempts of someone being flirtatious, to get his attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oblivious

It was potions, which was mostly Sirius's least favorite class ... except that recently, his "forced punishment" permanent potions partner and he had started studying outside of class ... with ... unpredictable results. Sirius's body was turned away in class, but his eyes lingered on the Slytherin's long, smooth hands. They looked ... like wax, or like sculpted hands that his own parents would have insisted on displaying at home ... his ex parents. He rocked back in his chair a little, finishing the sentence of the write up that was due with the potion in his usual half regal, half wild handwriting. "Are you almost done?"

Severus's eyes were glazed over as he assembled his potion like second nature. He could do this in his sleep, and with the way he felt, he was almost sleeping anyway. "Yes." he said coolly as he stirred. _Left, three two one. Right, two one. Left, one_.

"Great. I need out of here." Sirius stretched a little bit, cracking his neck and letting the tail of his shirt escape from the slightly loose top of his trousers, which settled a little low on the chaser's infamous hips. It had become a bit of a running joke that Sirius was almost kicked off of the Quidditch team for, as McGonagall was rumored to have put it,  _"Riding his broom in a ... way that was not for the eyes of the younger students present."_

Severus finished the task and stood to bottle a sample of the brew for grading.

Sirius picked up the parchment, rolled it with one hand and offered it to Severus, "Feel like taking this too?"

"Sure, fine." Severus snatched up the parchment and headed up to the desk with the sample and write up, but because he had an overwhelming sense of doubt of people's good intentions rather than a belief in them; he opened the rolled up parchment to read it for himself to make sure it was correct, rather than just stating  _"Snape has a troll's nose"_  over and over.

Sirius looked after his partner, full lips shifting down in his face.  _Didn't even look at me ..._ he sighed and untucked the other side of his shirt quickly when Severus had his back turned, making sure a tiny bit of skin was exposed.

Once dismissed, Severus returned to his seat to pick up his school bag. His robes were crisp looking, his tie perfectly knotted, but aside from his dress, his black hair was helplessly thick and oily, his high cheek bones giving the illusion that he always had a sour sweet in his mouth, or simply, just sour.

Sirius rocked back on his chair, looking up at Severus, "So ..." everyone was filing out and someone might hear, but he didn't mind, "So ... we should probably study for the final ..."

Severus slung his bag onto his shoulder, looking to Sirius, or rather, as he always seemed to do, just look off to one side, giving the illusion he was looking directly at him, but not. "When do you want to meet?"

He shrugged a little and stood, the neck of his white shirt hanging a little low, showing a fresh black, curved tattoo. "How about the tower? It's nice out, it'd be quiet."

Severus headed out, "See you there after lunch then?"

Sirius licked his lips a little, following him, "Hey, hold up ..." Sirius caught up to the tall, dark boy who held a strange place in his dreams for some time now. It had taken months to admit it to himself, but Sirius finally knew exactly what he wanted ... and being Sirius, wouldn't let himself rest until he'd confronted his fear on the issue, and his ... fascination.

Against his better sense, Severus had paused to allow Sirius to catch up, "Hm?" he hummed expectantly.

Sirius passed Severus a little and then turned, leaning against the wall in front of him, closer than he usually stood to people who weren't his other marauders.

The half-blood's back was tightly knotted, keeping his spine straight to his full height. In his first year, even Malfoy had learned not to disturb Severus's personal space. Severus waited an instant, "Was there something else you wanted Sirius?"

Sirius swallowed, "Well .... are you busy for lunch?"  _He called me Sirius_. There it was, the tingle up his spine he'd felt in his sleep, during the dreams. Dreams that James would always tease him about, attributing them to Zarchary Zambini's fiancé.  _Not quite ..._

"What do you mean, busy?"

There was something intense about Severus, forceful and more than a little dark, and whatever it was made Sirius's stomach tighten when they were alone.  "I mean ... plans, other people, you know ... lunch. Are you busy or not?"

_Plans. Other people, what a laugh_. Severus was not laughing, "No. No plans."  _What's it to you anyway._

"Well, might as well take something up with us, right? Get a head start, it's better than the great hall anyway." Sirius knew from experience that when he was this close to some people ... people who were attracted to him anyway, they looked at his lips.

Though Severus wouldn't argue logic, he was surprised that Sirius would give up his free social time for academics; that he would choose lunch with Severus Snape over his little marauder pals. For a flicker of an instant, Severus captured up Sirius's gaze in his own, there was an intense difference between looking at Sirius, and  _pretending_  to look at the pureblood. "Alright." he agreed carefully.

Sirius swallowed, not breaking the contact. Severus's eyes were the darkest he'd ever seen, bottomless, "I'll meet you there, then."

Severus readjusted the strap over his shoulder and nodded before he moved around the human blockade, passing Sirius for the most direct hall that would take him up to the astronomy tower.

Sirius followed him with his eyes.  _Okay, then ..._ Licking his lips, he sighed and took off for some food and up to his dorm to change.  
  
Sirius snitched a sandwich and a bottle of cola from the great hall, ran up to his room, dressed, and hurried up the stairs, half cursing his eagerness as he did. He stopped just before the door leading outside and ran a hand through his hair.  _Okay, hair down, muggle jeans, everyone likes the red sweater, leather jacket ... good. Better anyway, deep breath_. He smoothed a hand down the front of his very soft, deep red shirt that everyone always said was his best color, ran a thumb under the waist of his ripped jeans, shook his hair again and walked out casually.

Severus was sitting cross legged on the ground, book in his lap, and back up against the stone wall. His head faced down, eyes focused on the book, while his hair fell forwards as blinders to all and everything else. Nevermind the nice sunny day, nevermind the rightly dramatic clouds, or even the laughter of students far below ... no- the only thing that had changed was that Severus had removed his tie as it hung out of his book bag. It was a nice day, sure, for the moment, but it was going to storm later tonight. And on those nights, Severus was pleased that his dormitory was well under the school, rather than in some exposed tower.

Sirius swallowed and took a few slow steps closer, "Hey ..." he mumured casually before he sat opposite Severus, tossing his own book to the side and drawing one leg up so that he could rest his elbow against it.

Severus simply nodded, having secretly caught a glimpse of Sirius when he first arrived on sight. "Right then, I was just going over chapter 42. You seem to grasp most of this, so it won't take long. Then you can go out clubbing as soon as you are satisfied." Severus assumed that was the reason for Sirius's change of dress; that he was going out with James for an extended weekend. Nevermind the subtle phrase that suggested that Sirius was already astute, or that Severus was willing to work with him until he was ... satisfied.

Sirius looked over to him as he pulled an apple out from under one of his books, "Mm? Not going anywhere actually." He took a bite of the red fruit, wiping the juice off of his lower lip with a brush of his thumb. "So ... do you want to go over everything?"

_Seems like a waste of your time_ , "Sure." Severus flipped his book all the way back to chapter one,  _safety in the potions lab_. This, Severus found humorous, as if this was the basis of the entire examination, Sirius would surely fail.  
  
Sirius laughed at the title and took another bite, laying on his side and studying the book Severus had, upside down, "Bullshit chapter. Next!"

Severus mouthed, though did not give voice to,  _thought so_. And turned to chapter two.

The pureblood tilted his head, "What was that?"

"Chapter two." Severus skimmed the book text and his own notes in the margins, "Herbs, Herbalism, Spices and Supplies."

"No, no, no ..." Sirius smirked and arched a solid black eyebrow, putting his palm on the page of the book, "What did you just say to yourself?"

Touching his book was one step away from touching him. His tone was unwavering as always, "As you rightly pointed out, to myself, I said, thought so."

Sirius's tone became amused, "I'm safe enough in the lab, thank you. Have I ever blown us up?"  _Us._

"Not yet." Severus shifted back against the wall, "Though I would not suggest it as a profession for you, you're sleeves hang too lose and are bound to catch on the flames. Nevermind that even a thread of wool from your robes dropping in can contaminate you entire brew."

Sirius laughed at the joke, "I can always do without sleeves, you know, I bloody hate the stupid uniform. I think subconsciously I'm just trying to get out of it."

"More than subconsciously." Severus pointed out, as Sirius was indeed out of his uniform now.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Hey, I'm damn proud that my legacy to the school will be that I was responsible for the latest clause to the uniform policy."

Severus seemed disappointed by this, "It seems as though that would be a rather short lived legacy." Then again, Sirius was the brightly burning star that would have a fiery life, but burn out quickly, "I highly doubt that they will put your name as a footnote in the handbook."  _A generation from now, no one will know it was you._

"Well, it's not exactly the ONLY thing I'm planning on accomplishing in life, but I think being responsible for the phrase, _'Students may not at any time shrink, mark, tear, or purposefully alter uniforms during a class presentation in a salacious or obscene manner'_  is a pretty good start to my glorious career."

Severus closed the book, marking it with a finger, he asked with some curiosity, "And what else does your glorious career entail?"

Sirius was laying on his back now, chewing his last bit of apple, swallowing before he spoke, looking up at the Slytherin, "Curse breaker for Gringott's at first, just to have fun for a little while, maybe a year but ... I don't know, the way things are going these days, I might become an auror sooner rather than later." He sighed, "Mind you, curse breaking first would let me graduate directly into special cases division ..." He looked up at Severus, "I've done the physical conditioning already, looked through the entrance exams, etc ... that's why I'm doing so many owls."  _He closed the book. We're talking. Good.  
 _

Severus couldn't help but look surprised, but in a pleased way.  _You have a plan, a dream, a goal for yourself. That's good. Unrealistic. But good for you_. But Severus was not as squirmy as Sirius and wondered why it was that he kept moving, rolling around from side to back, to side to ... whatever.  
  
Sirius looked up, "You?"

Severus hesitated, no one had actually asked him before. Not even his own head of house. Slytherin seemed to have a don't ask don't tell policy for many things. "Actually, I've just posted applications to both the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Department of Mysteries."  
  
Sirius looked relaxed, as though the usually always smiling Gryffindor had his guard down and he was just being himself. "Law?" he looked at Severus, "What sort of law enforcement?"

Working with the Wizengamot or Aurors were the only real choices, Severus thumbed the spine of his book, "Auror training."  _Who better to catch dark wizards, then ..._

Sirius looked honestly surprised, "Really? I thought you'd be more the ... professor type."

Being a professor was of course an option, just not his number one choice. Rejection or acceptance of his applications would determine if he needed, "It's a back up plan." Severus confessed.

Sirius smiled a little, "Trying to imagine a Slytherin auror, I don't know if they're ever had one before ..."

Severus grew exceedingly defensive, his house had nothing to do with skill, or desire, or capability; his jaw locked and he shut down, opening his book once more.  
  
Sirius sat up, "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I was just saying that it's unusual." He tossed his apple core over the side of the low wall they were sitting beside.

"Why should it be unusual." Severus posed.

"A Slytherin applying for that job. Really, the admissions guy said they've never had one." Sirius shrugged, "I didn't mean to set you off or anything, just talking."

It was the thought of discrimination that set Severus off, not Sirius. As if being from Slytherin were some sort of excuse to not find someone trustworthy; it was just that sort of thinking that set other Slytherins off for darker paths, because they felt they had no other choice, no other opportunity. But holy hell if Severus wasn't at least going to  _try_  rather than just roll over and accept the way things were.

The Gryffindor sighed and opened his own book, flipping through it. "Aaaanyway."

Severus felt a rumble in his stomach and into his book bag he took out a piece of dried pineapple which he put in his mouth to suck and chew on. "Right." Severus skimmed his book once more, bored.

_To hell with it. He's just going to argue every five seconds. Give it up_. The ridiculousness of it all embarrassed him. He hated that he tried, he hated that he wore the red sweater, and he hated that he was dumb enough to expect the Slytherin to actually even want to talk to him.

Severus finally outstretched his legs from under him, crossing his ankles, seemingly a little more relaxed, "It's going to rain tonight." he commented "Does it get bad up in the tower during storms?"

Sirius shrugged, "Dunno. I'm never there during a storm."

_Curiosity killed the Kneazle_. A feeling in Severus's stomach unsettled him, because, he didn't know what it was, nor where it spawned from.

Sirius looked at him again, answering with a sigh, "I go flying."

"Why?"  _Ah! Severus, keep your mouth shut._

Sirius flipped the page, "It's fun, keeps me interested, I love storms."

*                    *                    *

It was a raging storm, the windows shuddered in their ledges, thunder shook through the stones and the rain seemed torrential even for Scotland. Sirius loved it. He kicked off from the astronomy tower as soon as the wind picked up and was presently flying through the dark, lower clouds, seeing how close he could come to the gathering lightening.  
  
Animals with any sense were hiding in the trees, deep in the forest, away from the whipping winds and downpour of rain.  _People_  with any sense were inside by their common room fireplace, keeping warm and entertained among friends. Today Severus abandoned said sense. The current enigma that was Sirius Black had not only been plaguing his thoughts, it had actually inspired him to go for a little walk that evening, just to see if he could catch a glimpse of understanding. Severus had set an impervious charm on his outer robes so that the water might bead and simply roll off his back as he headed out the main doors of the school.

Sirius, on the other hand, knew from experience that anything he wore would just find  _some_  way to get rain soaked from all angles, so he wore his torn up jeans and an older grey shirt that he didn't care about anymore. A bolt of lightening ripped through the sky and his eyes widened as it struck the ground, he leaned forward on the broom and flew to it, circling the bolt before it disappeared. His adrenaline was gloriously high now, racing, he felt invincible, alive, happy.

Severus kept his gaze toward the heavens ... the sky. He wasn't actually sure if Sirius had simply been boastful, or if indeed he did fly in such weather, and if he did, wasn't sure that he'd even be able to see him.

Another bolt struck nearer the school and Sirius raced close, urging his broom on with his thighs, laying down over it, gripping the end as he circled the long bolt of light.

Severus watched the light strike earth with scientific fascination. Then he squinted against the rain, seeing something else move altogether; against the wind, against nature, against reason. "Ah- Sirius-" he noted.

Sirius hovered for a while, tingling waiting until the next bolt began to collect and struck near the woods, circling twice this time. He was hovering closer to Severus this time, breathing deep, hair wet, grinning to himself.

Severus would have looked like just another statue upon the grounds, expect that his cloak billowed back in the winds, his arms folded over his chest, fascinated that this was what Sirius did during every storm; and wondered if by being there, he was somehow intruding upon his privacy.

Sirius adjusted his grip on the broom, sliding up the shaft of it a little, locking his thighs around the width of it before he raced off again, before the bolt formed and circled it twice when it did strike. He actually laughed loudly as he completed the second circle.

Severus sat himself just under one of the garden statues of a gargoyle, an ancient device for warding away evil. He leaned back, eyes fixed up Sirius, rain soaking his hair, giving it a proper beating of a washing.

Sirius flew back closer to the school and got off of his broom, leaning down and catching his breath, smiling.

Watching Sirius approach, with  _that_  smile, he would not see such a thing destroyed - and thought that the sight of him, unwelcome, would set his mood fowl. But he had few options. Hide behind the statue? Him? Hide? So he sat, waiting for Sirius to pass, or walk off in a different direction and not notice him at all.

Sirius looked back at the sky and sighed as the storm started to move on, rolling one shoulder to crack it and walking towards the school. He'd taken three steps when he focused and stopped walking, "Severus?"

Recognized, Severus stood from under the gargoyle, "Hello Sirius." he said as water gathered on his eyelashes and dripped down his cheeks. For a moment Severus toyed with the idea, Sirius was attracted to danger, dangerous things,  _he was attracted to ... him_. But the idea left his mind as quickly as it had been conceived.  _That was a ridiculous notion Severus._  
  
Sirius took a deep breath and walked over, lit up like his namesake despite his being dripping wet. He pushed the hair out of his face, "Thought you hid during these things."

"Hide?" Severus shook his head no, he paused, "You really do have fun, don't you."  
  
Sirius met his eyes and swallowed, "Who wouldn't?" He smiled a little, "How long have you been watching me?"

Severus offered a hint of a smile, trying not to seem too creepy, for it had been well over, "About twenty minutes."

The soaked pureblood stepped a little closer, holding Severus's gaze.  _He came out ... to watch me_. He touched Severus on the shoulder carefully, noticing that the Slytherin was trembling, almost unnoticeably.  _He hates storms, but he came anyway_. "We don't have to stay out here."

Rain matted itself to the side of Severus's face and neck, "I don't want to disturb your normal routine, but care to join me for a drink of firewhisky to warm up?" So much for a dry campus. It took a moment. More than a moment. A good minute for the desensitized Severus Snape to realize that Sirius had touched him; further more, that his conditioned response to recoil had not kicked in.

Sirius swallowed, "Don't need to ask twice ... just let me go upstairs and change, right?"

"Sure- meet you back in the great hall, it's abandoned this time at night."

Sirius nodded and licked his lips, walking back inside with a cool, but inviting smile. Once the door closed, he sprinted upstairs, trying to dry his hair with his wand as he ran to his dorm room. His shirt was already off as he tore into the room, undoing his pants and kicking them off, opening the trunk and tossing clothes out.  _Crap, crap, crap what looks REALLY good?_ The pureblood lunged to Remus and shook him awake, hissing, "Remus! Remus ... it's nine o clock HOW are you sleeping?"

Remus groaned awake, rubbing his eyes, "Hmm?"

"Nine o clock, you're a grandmother. Quick ... what looks REALLY good on me?"

"Anything Sirius- what's this about." Remus sat up in bed, focusing on the fully naked, wet pureblood.  
  
"I ... have to be somewhere and I have to ... okay, there's someone I'm trying to ... impress and they-" he laughed, nervous, "don't even look at me! I need help, I really do. I think I've become homely all of a sudden or ... oddly shaped, I need help. What's good? Be brutally honest, I don't know what I'm doing anymore!"

Remus didn't look, a little pinked cheeked, he stared at the ceiling, while talking to Sirius, "You're red shirt always looks good. I don't know- what's the occasion? Something formal? Casual? I'm not even going to ask who, you can tell me that later-"

"No-" he sighed, "I did the red shirt and they didn't even look at me. Not once."

"Really?" Remus scratched behind his head with a yawn, "Then the person must be dense."

Sirius smelled like rain, electricity and sweat. Sirius smiled a little, and then paused. Remus never ...  _did he just say ..._ "Did ... " A compliment from Remus? Tight-lipped, ultra-conservative, don't-do-that-to-your-tie Remus?

"Well- the red shirt always works, doesn't it. Maybe, I don't know- maybe they are not interested in being impressed?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius felt his ears go down a little under his hair like a disappointed puppy.

Remus had caught the expression, "Look, no Sirius. I mean- I don't know- let's be fair, you're pretty out there- the person must be pretty oblivious to not get it if you already tried the red shirt and got nothing- maybe they are not interested- but I don't know! Why are you still naked?!"

"Because ..." Sirius sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I think you're ... right." He laid down, beside Remus, sighing.

Remus draped his covers over Sirius's naked body, "I'm sorry-"  
  
"I've done everything but throw myself at ... them." He shook his head and got out of bed, walking to his trunk and just grabbing a pair of random trousers, sliding them on. "Fuck it."

Remus sighed, "Him or her Sirius, it doesn't matter to me, you know."

Sirius summoned a hoodie and pulled it on, not bothering to wash his face, or brush his hair. "It doesn't matter anyway Remus," he sounded bitter, choked, "I give the hell up. I just had a chance and I fucking blew it." He stalked out, turning at the door, "It was a  _him_." He left.

*                    *                    *

Severus had returned to his dorm, and withdrew from his personal stash, a bottle of firewhisky. Tucking it under his robes, he headed down the corridor and to the great hall. He did not bother to change, nor to dry his hair; poor self image reflected in apathy for himself. He sat on the steps just before the head table, and waited. And. Waited. Severus sniffed. The longer he waited, the less he felt like trusting anyone ever again.

A moment later, a sullen, still wet and muddy Sirius Black walked in, looking a little rough. "Hi." The doors closed after him.

Severus looked just the same as he had when Sirius saw him outside, he had not changed, he had not dried his hair; he changed for no one, not even himself "Hello." He looked up.

Sirius looked angry, withdrawn as he walked in and sat down.  _I'm such a FUCKING idiot_. "Sorry, couldn't find my -"  _self respect? dignity?_  "shirt."

Severus popped the top to the bottle of firewhisky and passed it to Sirius, though he nodded, accepting the story, there was something in the pureblood's tone that made him ask, "Everything alright?"

Sirius put his elbows on his knees, "Yeah."

Since Sirius showed up, Severus could now take off his outer robe, knowing that they'd be there, for at least a little while. Shrugging it off his shoulders and onto the floor behind him, Severus was still dressed down to hide his features. But similarly, so was Sirius, to this effect, he found the pureblood less threatening. "Drink?" He offered directly, still holding the bottle out for Sirius.

"Sure-" he took the drink and had a couple swallows. He handed it back, "Thanks."

"Welcome." Severus took up the bottle and drank a little more heavily, with some familiarity to warm up faster.

Sirius nodded.  _God, I hate this. I hate ... being ... this._

For Sirius to share in his company, to share a bottle where their lips both touched, it meant something to Severus. It meant, that Sirius didn't think himself better then Severus. He drank again before he confessed a fear, not sure what Sirius would do to exploit it, "I was worried that you weren't going to come."

Sirius looked up, "I wasn't ...  _not_  going to come."

Severus smiled a little, and passed the bottle back to Sirius.

Sirius didn't smile back, he didn't even look up. "Thanks." He drank again. "So, yeah-" he blew a wet, heavy strand of hair out of his moody face, "Sorry. I'm just ... you know."

Severus didn't know, "What?"

"Nevermind." Sirius drank again.  _Not interested in me._   _I am stupid because you are not even interested in me._  Sirius wiped his face with a hand, swearing. "Ah, shit. Bloody hell."  _A nosebleed. I have a fucking nosebleed. Great_. He just put his sleeve over his hand and held it to his nose.  _Now I'm an idiot, I look like hell on legs, I hate this fucking hoodie, and I have blood on my face. Fucking nice._

Severus took the bottle back, brushing their hands together and put it aside, looking to Sirius's face, pulling out a Slytherin crested handkerchief from his pocket offering it to Sirius, "Here-"

"Nah, I'm fine, I just-" more blood, black and almost glittery slid down Sirius's chin, "I get these when I go too high on the broom."

"Yeah, you look fine." Severus said sarcastically, moved Sirius's arm and his stained sleeve away, putting the handkerchief to Sirius's nose.

_I also get dark circles under my eyes_. He remembered his mother telling him it made him look like a raccoon. Sirius took the handkerchief. "Thanks." Then he looked away, eyes on the table.

Severus shivered again, and took up the drink, warming himself from the inside out as he drank once more. "Will it stop? Or- do you need-?" he was offering, most assuredly, but knew that he'd not like to ask for help if it were him.  
  
"It usually just stops on it's own." He looked up at Severus again and stood, "Sorry, I have to go lay down or something, how about I'll just see you in class tomorrow?"

Severus looked up at the Gryffindor towering over him, "Alright-"

"I go too high and get too close to the lightening, and then if I clench my jaw I end up all ... fucked up like this." Sirius sighed.

Severus stood, "But you do it anyway, it's worth it- to you-"

"I do lots of things that aren't good for me," Sirius looked away, blushing a little.

"It keeps life interesting, I think." Severus again hinted at a smile.

"Sometimes I'm wrong."

That was a curious association, "I wonder- what makes you say that. Personally-" it seemed like Severus was attempting to open up, "I hope that you don't think something is wrong, simply because others have said as much, you should deem what is right and wrong for your own life, for yourself."

Sirius laughed, "No, no I don't do that, trust me. Ask my ex-parents." He sat down again.

Severus smiled a little more openly, and sat again with Sirius. He had of course heard about Sirius and what happened within his family, well, the rumor of it at least, not directly from his mouth.

Sirius looked at Severus again, curious, "All the rumors are true. Most of them anyway."  _I look like shit, might as well just ... fuck myself over completely._

"You- don't seem too upset by it, if you don't mind me saying."

"They were bastards." Sirius took the handkerchief away from his face, looking up at Severus, "Is it done bleeding yet?"

Severus craned his neck to one side to get a proper look, almost touching Sirius by the chin to tilt it up; he met Sirius' eyes, "It's stopped."

The pureblood stopped breathing for a moment. "Oh ..." he let his held breath out and dropped the bloodied handkerchief on the table beside him. "I'll get a new handkerchief for you or something."  _He's looking at me now._

"Don't worry about it." His features were oddly softer looking in the dim light, "At any rate, you can hang onto it, just in case it starts up again."

Sirius sighed, "Thanks."  _He's probably just ... gloating that ... but he doesn't seem to be gloating._  "When we were first made to partner up I thought I was going to just ... well it wouldn't be ... this."  _Not that this is anything._

"Heh-" Severus drank and passed the bottle, "Yeah." he sighed, "I thought you were going to ... I don't know, set my robes on fire, or try to poison me." _It's what James would have expected you to do._

Sirius sighed again, pulling the hood up over his head as he drank. "I think you probably misunderstood ... a little, all the stuff before I mean."  
  
 _I misunderstood name calling? I misunderstood fights?_  "Oh?"  _do enlighten me._

"When I met James, it was because I enchanted his trunk to fall on his head on the train. Almost broke his neck. I tripped Peter into the dessert cart, and Remus ended up in our carriage because I outright picked him up off his feet and stuffed him in there without asking his name."

The Slytherin snickered, faintly amused. So, did that put him in the same category as the rest?

Sirius shrugged, "James and I have a knock down fight at least once a week, I know for a fact that Remus can pick me up and toss me across the room with more accuracy than you'd think; considering how much time he spends reading in the dark, and Peter tells me he hates me every night before he goes to sleep." Sirius shrugged, "I hate ... sentimental bullshit." He mimicked Peter's yawn, "Goodnight Sirius, hate you."

Severus considered this, "So- to be clear. Our ... history- that was genuine, just not, genuine, hate?"

Sirius looked at him, "If I really want nothing to do with someone, I don't even bother."

There was clear shock in his eyes, even in the darkness of the room. Severus was torn between paranoia,  _what do you want from me?_  and a sense, a desire for ... friendship. "You know-" actually, no one knew, other than the administration, "When I was younger, my father made my mother choose between him and me. She choose him. Since then- I suppose I have this perception that no one would want to bother."

Sirius looked at Snape, just as shocked, "What the fuck is ... wrong with them?"

"They were bastards." Severus echoed Sirius's own words.

Sirius just nodded, "Yeah ... fuck'em." Sirius drank to his own toast, passing the bottle.

"Indeed." Severus drank, looking at Sirius with new eyes, he had never before shared that; Sirius was the first, for a lot of things, even as simple as sharing a drink.

"Some days I just ... hate everything."

"Only some days?"

"I mean everything. James, Peter, quittich, fucking everything."

Severus nodded, "I'm hoping that a job with the ministry will change things, for myself that is."

"I'm sure it will. You'll be minister someday and you can laugh at me."

"Why would I laugh Sirius? I'm sure they burned my application as soon as it arrived."

"No, they won't." Sirius rubbed his head again, pushing the hood back.

Severus was sceptical. He looked over to Sirius once more, noticing lint in his hair, he reached, but didn't touch, "May I? You've got something-"

Sirius nodded, drawing up his legs and resting his chin on his knees, "Sure. Bloody stupid hood always does that."

Severus combed his fingers through Sirius's hair for a breath, and flicked out the lint. He leaned back on one hand, arm solid, shoulder just barely leaning into the pureblood.

Sirius looked at Severus, speaking quietly, "You wouldn't look at me before. Why now?"

The mere fact that Severus didn't have to ask for Sirius to explain himself suggested that he had been observant all along. "I felt inferior." He said with brutal honesty.

"So ... you like it better when I feel inferior?"

Severus frowned, "No- no. I make you feel inferior?"

"Nothing, nevermind." Sirius sighed, hands over his face and stood, "I need to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Severus stood once more, "I'm- sorry Sirius- if ever I-" he trailed off.

"See you tomorrow, really." Sirius walked out, heading back upstairs, feeling awful.

Left alone, Severus took up his drink and his robe and headed out, down to the Slytherin dorms, and to bed.

Sirius threw himself, shoulder first, into his bed, back to Remus, blanket over his face.

Remus woke up with a start, "... no thank you." he looked over to Sirius in his bed, "Are you asleep?" he whispered.

Sirius back heaved.

In their first few years, Sirius had done it for him many times when night had been hard; Remus slipped from his own bed, and laid out next to Sirius, uninvited, rubbing his back.

Sirius turned and hid his face in Remus's chest.

"Shh- shh-" Remus held his friend close, hand against the back of Sirius's head, not wanting him not talk, just, felt safe in his arms, in the darkness.

All Sirius said was "I hate myself." He stayed quiet, crying, trying not to.

There was nothing Remus could say, he knew. He didn't even try. He just held Sirius, rubbing his back, with every moment, suggesting that while Sirius might hate himself, Remus didn't, others didn't hate him.

*                    *                    *

Sirius turned when he woke up, feeling arms around him.  _Remus_.

Remus hadn't left his friend the entire night, drifting in and out of sleep as he let Sirius sob as he slept, in his arms.

Sirius swallowed and hugged Remus back, face hidden in his pajama-covered chest.

Remus rubbed his hand down the length of Sirius's back with a sigh, "Morning Sirius" he whispered.

"Morning-" he murmured. His eyes were swollen, crusted with tears.

"James and Peter are gone." he suggested, letting his friend know that they were alone together, that it was alright, that Remus could be entrusted, over the rest.

Sirius hugged him tighter. He tucked his head under Remus chin, breathing against his neck. "Bad night."

Remus didn't normally pry, he wasn't normally so forward, "What happened?"

"There's this ... guy-" he started softly, voice rough, "and I never thought I'd ... I mean it's not someone anyone would expect. He doesn't ever look at me, I mean we talk, but he doesn't notice me, not how I want him to. Last night I ran into him, we decided to have a drink, I came up here, and ... like you said, it hit me that he probably just doesn't like me. I was out flying in the storm, I was all muddy and I felt like complete crap, my nose bled and I think my eyes got all ... ugly and THEN, only THEN does he want to look at me."

"You weren't ... trying-" Remus still rubbed Sirius's back, "And yet you went, you met him for a drink- and- he was there?"

"Yeah."

Remus, observant Remus was silent for a long time, thinking it out, "Sirius- I don't want to upset you- but- something just occurred to me."

"What?"

"Maybe before- well let's be honest. You are a very beautiful man- and maybe- red shirt and all, that was intimidating. But last night, you said he paid attention to you- because ... you were normal, average- you weren't trying to be the beauty everyone sees every day."

Sirius swallowed. "He said something like that. He said he felt inferior before. I got mad."

"Oh." Remus swallowed, "I didn't- I'm sorry."

"I just got mad, I asked why he'd only likes me when I feel inferior instead." Sirius's back shook a little again.

Remus frowned, holding Sirius close, angry, "What did he say?"

"I left. I felt like ... I don't know, like ... some sort of trophy. Like he can only like me when I feel bad, maybe he feels better when I feel like less. I just got really mad." He took a deep breath, explaining further, "Sort of like ... look at what I can make Sirius do, cut me down to size a bit."

"Sirius. Don't be mad. But- I don't follow that logic at all. To be at your best, dressed your finest, perfection- that's the trophy, and he obviously didn't want that. But on the other hand, he shouldn't be making you feel bad, just to make himself feel better, if ... that's actually the case."

Sirius sighed, still hugging Remus, "I was confused. I left. Came straight up here."

Remus just held Sirius close, reliable and dependable. "What are you- are you going to talk with him today? Do you want to?"

"Yeah." Sirius swallowed, looking up, "I said I would. So I'm going to, I guess. I'm pretty sure I've fucked it all up anyway."

 "Oh-" Remus sighed, petting his fingers through Sirius's hair, "you don't have to Sirius- if you don't want to."

Sirius just sighed. He always loved fingers through his hair.

"You like him, don't you."

"Yeah."

"Have you told him?"

Sirius rubbed Remus's back. "I think he knows after last night."

Remus scoffed a little, "Not if my first assessment is still correct, not if he's dense."

Sirius just snuggled their faces together. He didn't mind Remus looking at him, not when he'd already seen Remus at his worst many times. "Maybe I should just ... forget about it."

Remus sighed, "Maybe ... though Sirius, I would encourage you to find resolution with this, so that there is never a doubt further down the line. So you never have to look back and think, what if."

"He's a Slytherin." Sirius thumbed a strand of Remus's hair behind his ear.

"And I'm a werewolf, and James is spoiled, and ... it doesn't matter. It shouldn't. Ever."

"So what am I?"

"You're a lot of things Sirius." Remus sighed, reluctant, "You're angry, and lonely, but good at hiding it ... and looking for something, someone ... you're popular, and ... so many things."

"And you're brilliant, and too nice for your own good, and you never tell anyone what's actually going on up there."

Remus reverted back into silence, rubbing Sirius over his back, loving these moments when they could speak - carry on a properly mature conversation - rather than something about dung bombs or ... things school related.

Sirius snuggled closer, speaking into Remus's flannel shirt. "You're warm, how do you sleep in these? They should just burn off."

Remus laughed a little, "I like how it feels, I think- I don't know ... am I this warm when I'm- Moony?"

Sirius slid his hands under Remus's shirt, against his stomach, warming them. "Mhm, but furry."

Remus trembled, nervous as Sirius touched him, "I think apart of me likes it, the constant warmth, the fur ..." Remus was ashamed, to say that he secretly liked parts of his werewolf side.

Sirius's fingers swept over some hair, light and warm that covered Remus's stomach and the bottom of his chest. "You have fur ..." he smiled.

One of Remus's hands covered over Sirius's that was upon his chest, "Sirius-" he hated to, with Sirius in this state, but he protested.

Sirius smiled gently, "I'm just saying ... you still have fur."

The werewolf gave a heavy sigh, then his stomach growled demandingly.

Sirius rubbed his stomach, "Hungry?"

"A bit. You know me, like clockwork."

"You want me to stop touching you ..." Sirius sighed and pulled away, "you're right. I'm upset, and needy. You're a gentleman." He stood and walked to the bathroom, pulling his hoodie off as he did, looking over his shoulder as he turned the corner. "Funny how you always make me feel like a girl." He closed the door and started the shower.

Remus smiled a little, glad that he didn't have to outright say,  _no_ , or,  _don't want to_ , or that he wasn't interested in Sirius like that, though, still wanted to be his friend, his very best friend that could still share a bed with him and not have to worry that it meant something more. He sat up, stretching his arms out over his head, popping his back.

Sirius took a long, long shower at least half an hour before he could feel a little better, a little braver, clearer.

Remus had made both their beds and was dressed, sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting patiently .

Sirius got dressed in his uniform, and walked back out. "Okay." He nodded, "I'm okay."

Remus shook out his hair,  _terrible liar_. "Ready?"

Sirius nodded, pulling his hair back and tying it loosely. "Sure."  _Scared as hell._

Remus grabbed up his book bag, and nudged his shoulder into Sirius's encouraging, playful, "Come on." he bravely smiled.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and opened the door, "I'm starving."

*                    *                        *

Severus didn't want to seem too eager, but he kept looking back at the entry way, waiting for Sirius to come to class. He, was expecting him; he, had come to expect the company of his potions partner; he, had become accustomed to his company and yet, it was much more than that, much.

Sirius and Remus arrived together, as usual and Sirius rubbed Remus's shoulder before he crossed the room to his seat in potions. Sirius looked like his usual self today, except that his eyes were a little swollen and red around the corners, and his usually high, excitable coloring was a bit greyer than normal. He sat down, licking his lips and then looking over at Severus, "Hey."

"Hello Sirius-" He greeted him familiarly, rather than just than just the grunt he usually managed in public, "... are, you alright?"

Sirius nodded, "Yeah, fine. You?"

The professor passed back everyone's lab write ups and samples from last class, pushing Severus and Sirius's across the table, "Perfect marks, the both of you." Before he walked on to the next.

Sirius's eyes looked icy in the bloodshot sea of his whites. Sirius looked at the mark and just nodded a little, expecting it, not commenting. Any plan he had, any thoughts he'd worked out flew out of his head when he sat next to Severus.

Severus tightened his lips, refraining from further comment, knowing that Sirius was holding back, but wouldn't press the subject. "Fair enough" he said casually as he got out the supplies needed for the day.

Sirius unrolled a scroll of parchment, yawning and dipping his quill in the ink. "About last night-" he started under his breath.

Severus twisted his fingers around an empty bottle they were to use for the day, he opened the top with a pop, "Hm?" He hummed, listening, looking to Sirius out of the corner of his eye while general appearances make him look as though he was only focused on that which was before him.

"I wasn't in the best mood, and I jumped to conclusions."

Severus swallowed, a dramatic lump bobbed in his neck, "I'm sorry if I had upset you by showing up last night, I didn't mean to ruin your night." Which was the thought that Severus had gone to bed with.

"I ruined it all by myself, trust me." Sirius sighed and copied script off of the board. "Do you ... want to go do something after class?"

Severus opened his book, and consulted a few pages and made annotations, Severus smiled,  _oh god! I'm smiling!_  He turned his face into his shoulder to try and combat it down _, stop that, people will think you were slipped something at breakfast,_  "Yes. I'd like that."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Okay." He felt a huge burden lift from his shoulders and looked over at Remus, smiling a little.

Remus had been listening half hearted to James talk about some quidditch team or another, but when Sirius caught his eye, he smiled right back  _I wonder ..._ He looked past, to Severus, who ... was he having a fit? Coughing into his arm or something? Still, Remus smiled.

Severus straightened his back as if nothing had happened, gave a pleased sigh of relief and began to prepare the ingredients needed in order to work on the day's task.

*               *               *

It was time to hand in the lab projects and go, Sirius stood, having let Severus hand theirs in. He cleared his throat, shifted his weight, hanging around nonchalantly.  _Relax, damn it._

Severus was returning back to their table, passing behind Sirius as the room filed out, he grabbed for his bag and swung it onto his shoulder.

Sirius stretched and followed him, walking through the door that Severus opened. "Thanks." he stepped into a small alcove, just a small, almost hidden stone room with a bench over looking the grounds. It looked like the place someone might go to think something over. "Here's good ... just need to get away from all that, I still have a headache" he laughed a little, rubbing his head.

Severus looked out the window for a moment,  _nice day_ , then offered, "Do you want something for it, your headache?"

Sirius let his bag fall and he leaned back against the wall, "No, I need to say something, actually."

Severus was stiff, he put an otherwise shaking hand deep into his pocket, why was he shaking? "Did- you want to sit?" he suggested.

"I like you-" he managed, but it was almost inaudible.

While his peers were consumed in the traditional teenage activity of dating and kissing and flirting; Severus was no traditional teenager. He had done, experienced none of those things, and being socially inept, didn't know how to respond. He took a step closer, just a casual step to lessen the space between the two, "Sorry, I didn't hear what you said-" he looked to Sirius, to  _him_ , and not behind him or otherwise avoiding his gaze.

Sirius took a very deep breath, not looking at the taller boy, "I ... like you, I've been trying to get you to notice me for ... weeks but you don't seem to-" he looked out the window, "Which is funny because most of the time, people do notice me." He closed his eyes, "Ah, fuck, anyway, I feel like an idiot after last night."

Severus had never imposed himself upon another person before, until just then, when he placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder, then up his neck to the base of his jaw, making Sirius look at him properly, "I might not have acknowledged you before Sirius, but I- I always am aware, I see you." he caught his breath, "And you like me?"  _please, no jokes._

Sirius swallowed, looking at him. What he'd made fun of before, he realized frightened him because it had a pull over him.  _Damn him_. "Yes ..."  He narrowed his eyes, "I've only been ... fucking throwing myself at you." _Dark_. Severus's eyes never seemed to blink, trapping Sirius's grey ones.

The half blood prince smiled delicately, freely, as the wind caught his hair, brushing it in streaks of blackness across his face, his fingers slipped back down the side of his neck and around to the back of his head as he leaned closer, whispering, "I like you too Sirius."

Sirius breath was thin, rapid. "But you ... ignored me!" The darkness, genuine and purer than any his family ever had, was what made Sirius's blood buzz. Severus was dangerous, unpredictable, dark, and absolutely forbidden. Sirius pressed his hands to Severus along his arms, his blood already rushing and spinning through his body, heating him, hardening him.  _Fight, fuck, kiss ..._  
  
"Oh- Sirius no. I-" Severus got it now, "I didn't know it was for me, I didn't ... honestly think that- I have never disregarded you." be breathed softly, "You didn't have to- do any of that- you didn't have to try-"

"Why do you think I wanted to be alone with you?"

Severus shook slightly, some auror he'd turn out to be, he had been oblivious all this time.

Sirius shifted against the wall behind him, nervous, "You like me?"

"Yes Sirius- I do." Severus confessed slowly, clearly.

"Well?" Sirius began, taking one dry-mouthed step closer, "Why didn't you ... why don't you ..." He put one hand on Severus, firmly against chest. Only then did it feel like Severus had a heart, and it began to thump as soon as Sirius's hand was upon him. Severus closed his eyes, and offered his lips to Sirius, kissing him with unhurried consideration and adoration. Sirius was stone still for a moment before he tightened his fingers in Severus's robes and let himself be kissed.  _This is ... he's ... oh ... he's good at this ..._  He kissed Severus back, humming quietly.

The Slytherin relaxed, he had let down his guard and was allowing Sirius to be the one, the  _only_  one he let in. He had never known touching, kissing or being kissed, hands ... he didn't know what people were supposed to do, so he followed only his instincts, which had up until then, been drowned in dark magic. He more than liked this, he loved this.

Sirius slipped his hand up to Severus's neck, brushing the side and then cupping it. He groaned and kissed the Slytherin harder, tilting his head, letting his long, lean body brush against his potion partner's.

The book bag fell from his shoulder to the floor with a thud, some of the contents spilling out onto the stone floor. Severus leaned in, desperately wanting, already convinced beyond question. Days ago he would have been still obsessed with the possibility that Sirius was just out to hurt him, harm or control him. But Severus had not changed, he was still himself, and Sirius - Sirius had wanted him, just as unchangeable as he was; it touched him, in a deep and well guarded place, that Sirius had seen something in him, but even moreso, that he  _believed_  him.  
  
When the books fell, he cupped Severus's face with both hands and pulled him closer, closer.

Severus was no longer adverse to touch, at least, not to Sirius touching him; he had no shame, no suffering to focus on, only Sirius, he gasped for a moment, their lips brushing, "Sirius-" his voice broke on the name, completing him.

It was impossible to give the feeling a name, like a spell completed. Sirius kissed him again hard, it all made sense, the teasing, the anger, it was all for this. "Mm-" he moaned, shocked at how gentle Severus's hands were, how much care he was taking, as though the Quidditch player were breakable.

Severus was the type who was intensely dedicated. And once he applied himself, he would see it through, to whatever end. Possibly one day to his ruin. And while some people had the excuse of being passionately dedicated because of some anamnestic nature, Severus had no excuse, other than the simple fact, that was the sort of man he was. His fingers curled around Sirius's hair at the back of his head, moaning into the pureblood's mouth. Though it is an interesting note. He did not think of Sirius as a pureblood, as a Gryffindor - nor of himself as a half-blood, a Slytherin - not then - not now - there was only Sirius, and no other labels.  _Sirius_. Who he would love unconditionally for all time. Even if that was not the sort of thing Sirius was after, that was what Severus would supply. He would not be just a bedtime companion, or just a shoulder to lean against; while he would be those things, that was not all of him. He wouldn't resort to the simple things, the easy things. He would be everything, for the rest of his unnatural life.  
  
"Mmm ... S ... Sevvv-" he brushed the Slytherin's hair back. "I ... this is ... I ..." Sirius grasped him, kissing Severus harder, "Yes ..." This wasn't like it had been with anyone else Sirius had ever been with. Kissing was ... enough.

The energy and effort that had formerly filled the Slytherin with darkness, dark magic, was now being covered into something new, but equally intense, and yet, much more powerful. Love. "Sirius-" he breathed again, but the way he said it was clear,  _I love you_.

**Author's Note:**

> co-authored. originally written for thestralskinphoenixtears


End file.
